why social media makes me apprehensive

I recently joined the social media scene…..

….for the third time.

I know.

It makes me look rather flibberty-jibbet and totally unpredictable and not dependable. ugh.

Confession? I didn’t like the ‘comparison-itis’ or the slimy, gossipy feeling I had when I clicked off social media or the lack of consistent authenticity in real-life vs. on-line life. So I deactivated. For my mental and emotional health. For protection.

So. Why try it again?

One, I am looking for community with other writers, heart-stirrers, and word-warriors. I have questions and concerns. I want to know if there are other’s who struggle with the pride and insecurity that seem to plague me and if I’m alone and how someone else worked through it. I need your stories.

Two,  there’s the message within me to call hearts out to perceive their brokenness as something beautiful if placed in the hands of Jesus. And there are a lot of other word-warriors proclaiming this truth. I want to know them so we can join our voices together to proclaim truth and freedom and grace and love.

I cannot tell you how many tears I have shed over social media and really? Isn’t that absolutely stupid? It’s real and raw and pretty messy. And social media is neat and tidy and putting our best foot forward. First impressions are everything. Help?

Two years ago, the Lord broke me free from the chain of the people-approval-seeking-junkie label I have worn my entire life and since that freedom day I have been learning to live free. It’s hard. I accepted the freedom breaking on the condition that God would show me how to live without that noose wrapped around my neck because what’s the point of freedom if I’m not going to live free?

So…

Social Media. It’s stirring things long buried.

My twelve-year-old self is screaming, ‘Danger! Danger! One day you will wake up and everyone will hate you.’

My 20-year-old self is whispering, ‘If you be what they want you to be, you will be liked and accepted.’

My 30-year-old self is whispering, ‘Rejection is going to follow you all the days of your life.’

My 37-year-old self is whispering, ‘You’ve been set free. Trust God. Please him–his voice is all that matters. ‘

My current-year-old self is whispering, ‘This is stinking hard, I don’t know how to do this, I am too weak to live free.’

Which brings me to today–staring down my fears that social media is stirring:

To my twelve-year-old self I say: ‘Sweet thing, you need to forgive those girls who rejected you and abandoned your friendship because of a lie told about you. You know the truth. Jesus knows the truth and you are justified through him. Not every girl or woman is going to be like that crowd of friends.

To my 20-year-old self I say: ‘You can try to please everyone, but you will lose yourself along the way and losing yourself to people makes it really hard to lose yourself in God.’

To my 30-year-old self I say: ‘Rejection is a part of life, but it doesn’t have to define you or control you.’

To my 37-year-old self I say: ‘The brokenness and pain was worth the freedom!’

To my current-year-old self I say: ‘The Holy Spirit will give you power to live, only do not be afraid. Look to your God and listen to him. Listen for him and trust him to light the way for the next step. Be faithful and consistent in what he has given you to do.’

God is showing me how to live in the freedom that being the apple of his eye brings. It’s not without trepidation but I am trusting him to hold me close to his heart. Maybe you have voices in your head too–the kind that are tied to events in your past that affect how you make decisions in your present relationships.

Do you have fears that you wrestle with in your relationships, online or in real life? How are you overcoming them?